There is many a mystery in life that often goes unnoticed. One of these involves a North vs South conflict that has existed for years, but no one wishes to bring the matter to the light of day for fear of what might result. However, since this is a fearless column, I will broach the subject. I am quite obviously referring to the fact that in general the North has porches and the South has lanais. Both sides will vehemently expound on the porch or lanai as the case may be.
It is true that many northern houses have decks in the back, and some southern homes have what can be called a front porch if one stretches the matter. If we look at history, porches have been around since prehistoric times. The cave man who had the best rock overhang over his cave was always able to get the best cave woman – he did not even have to hit her over the head and drag her to his cave. In fact, they came in bunches which gave him a headache as he tried to separate them. Cave men were generally not too bright, but by the time the ancient Greeks and Romans came along porches were more common and the men had to resort to other tactics to attract the opposite sex, although a good porch did not hurt.
Porches came to the front really in America. I can recall sitting on many a porch trying to see who could correctly call the color of the next car down the road. We lived in the country and the roads really did not have that many cars on them, so it was kind of boring. (Can you imagine kids today giving up their smart phones to do that? There probably is an app for that though.) Although when I was in high school, a friend had a girl friend who lived in Jackson Center, PA. Her family had a terrific porch, plus she also had a lot of girlfriends. So sitting on the porch had some advantages.
When it comes to history, the porch obviously wins. The lanai comes by way of Hawaii and worked its way into American culture in warm climates. Since it is fairly recent, there are not too many people who recall sitting on lanais watching cars go by – especially since they are generally in the rear. Being in the rear limits one from noting what the neighbors are doing like you could with a porch. True in some cases the neighbor behind you has a lanai that is so close to yours that the two could be merged into one big one that could be shared – if you like your neighbors. Unfortunately, you can’t anyhow as the local authorities will deny the permit to construct a commonly shared lanai as it would not meet zoning codes. You have to keep away from each other’s properties by so many feet. It is the law so please do not argue.
However, it has to be noted that lanais especially today are much larger than most Northern porches. In fact, I have seen a couple of lanais big enough that you could put an entire house with its porch inside them. That, naturally, is not practical as then we could not see the road from the porch as the lanai is in the back. By the same token it would inhibit the use of the lanai for parties. The final point of this learned discussion is that there is no clear winner in the matter.
Thus, The Blonde in the house and I suggest that you not worry about such a minor matter. Just do like we do and enjoy whichever you have – and then get in the Christmas spirit! They say that Christmas only comes once a year, don’t you know!
Barry Evans writes about Life in The Villages for Villages-News.com
