As if those of us who live in The Villages have not heard the jokes and references to an article from years ago stating that our community has the highest STD (Sexually Transmitted Disease) rate among seniors in the country, we now will be once again in the headlines of media as being the community with the geriatric sexually live performances in our town squares. Of course I am referring to this week’s exposure of the couple who needed more entertainment after the music shut down in Lake Sumter Square’s gazebo.
We roll our eyes and talk among neighbors, and wait for the phone calls and emails from friends afar to find out if “we have heard” the news. Yes we have all heard it. Over and over again the story goes around. And no, the happy hour shacks are not going to stay open longer for later evening entertainment restricted to those 55 plus….
While moments of alluring and intense passion have hopefully been experienced by most people, the privacy of those moments are usually in places that are not on public display, particularly in a 55 and older community where for the most part, the streets are cleared by 9:05pm and golf carts are finding their way home with a driver who is thinking about a bowl of ice cream while watching a little bit of the evening news, and making their way to bed by 9:30.
Alas, we are in The Villages. There are many beautiful things about living in The Villages, and the one that my usually quiet husband commented on when we first visited, is that there seem to be a lot of happy couples everywhere we went, from restaurants to the town squares to the polo fields. Hand holding, sharing a glass of wine, stomping the divots in the fields, couples were sharing quality time together.
The single scene in The Villages is also vibrant, with activities, social and recreational groups, parties and trips which connect those who have found themselves on their own in their second half of life. Energetic, wanting to share time with others, enjoying The Villages Lifestyle, singles can find lots to do with other singles or with friends and neighbors who include everyone no matter what their marital status. The Villages is inclusive and we have found that no one is left out of events and get togethers.
Having operated Assisted Living and Memory Care communities, I have also seen the coupling of people who are in their very last years of life, who have found companionship and excitement and intimacy much to the surprise of younger staff who cannot imagine that old folks still want to well, cuddle up. It can also be a dilemma when you have two individuals in Memory Care who find each other, but who still have their spouses living separately and who have to make a leap in understanding that this very difficult behavior to comprehend is not about them, but about the place and space of their loved one with memory loss.
So what are the issues with seniors and sex in a retirement community like The Villages? From the married, to the single, to those in care communities, sex is a part of life and just as with younger people, carries with it responsibility and issues that are often considered embarrassing to talk to one another about.
The Department of Health and Human Services released a little-noticed report on Medicare in late 2013 that had this startling statistic: In 2011 and 2012, 2.2 million beneficiaries received free sexually transmitted disease screenings and counseling sessions. And more than 66,000 received free H.I.V. tests.
The number of Medicare enrollees who took advantage of free S.T.D. tests is about the same as the number who received free colonoscopies to screen for colon cancer, amounting to about 5 percent of all those on Medicare.
Numbers from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention show rapid increases in S.T.D.’s among older people. Between 2007 and 2011, chlamydia infections among Americans 65 and over increased by 31 percent and syphilis by 52 percent. Those numbers are similar to S.T.D. trends in the 20- to 24-year-old age group, where chlamydia increased by 35 percent and syphilis by 64 percent. Experts suggest there are four main factors contributing to the rise in S.T.D.’s among older Americans.
First, Retirement, independent and assisted living communities are very similar to living in a dormitory. You are together with people your own age, eating, drinking, dancing, and sharing activities and day to day living. The ratio of women to men is very disproportionate in assisted living-the men are often very happy with the numbers of women who want to make their acquaintance!
Second, we seniors are also living longer and having healthier lives and lifestyles. With our longevity comes the possibility of becoming a widow or widower at an age where you still are vibrant and wanting companionship. Dating after decades of marriage is a new experience, and also brings you into the modern era of more open sexuality than you may have experienced back in the day when you were being courted by who you thought would be your lifetime spouse.
Third, in various health related reports, it has been documented that among people age 60 and older, more than half of men and 40 percent of women are sexually active. Pregnancy is not an issue and safe sex was not a topic for people born in the 1920’s to 1950’s, so condom use is not on the minds of those who are done with their family planning and are on to great grand-children! In fact, only 6% of seniors over 61 years old use condoms in sexual encounters. This leads to increases in sexually transmitted diseases.
Fourth, a study published in the Annals of Internal Medicine showed that older men who use Viagra and similar drugs are six times less likely to use condoms compared with men in their 20s. With Viagra for men, and now the new commercials for solutions for women who are challenged with post-menopausal painful sex, the solutions for sex in the golden years continue to evolve so that senior intimacy and sexuality are not an oxymoron.
So listen up all of you who are out there again, enjoying new relationships and sharing more than hand holding, you are vulnerable just like your 20 year old grandchild. Be safe, keep yourself healthy in all aspects of your lifestyle, and don’t be afraid to go to the check out of your pharmacy with your safe sex protection. It’s just another reason to smile in the friendliest town in Florida.
For questions or comments, contact The Other Daughter, Jane Bloom, 425 299 6020 or email janeinthevillages@gmail.com www.theotherdaughter.org
