I have received a few complaints, questions or whatever relating to Husbands United (a secret society). In essence, they wonder why they have not heard anything about this great society lately. Well, obviously they need to remember that it is a secret society and quite naturally its good works to benefit mankind in its never-ending “misunderstandings” with womankind cannot be front page news.
Thus, I naturally am not permitted to go into details about some of the cases that have been solved recently. This includes even such mundane efforts as the Society’s foolproof patented method for not forgetting anniversaries and other important events.
Unfortunately, not every member of mankind is a member of Husband’s United so if someone from womankind is reading this and their mankind person does not remember these dates, then what can I say?
This last sentence in a way leads up to what is becoming a very unfortunate situation. Husbands United’s membership has dropped considerably in recent months. Thus, while there are many members of mankind, who are not members; there are also many who were. The latter, however, are still keepers of the sacred secrets of the organization so that is not a problem.
The problem comes from the basic tenant of Husbands United – the fact that all is kept within the meetings that occur. As is well known, I can’t tell you were it meets, when it meets or how often it meets. There are regular meeting dates, but there are also emergency meetings where an issue simply cannot wait. Thus, recognizing that they may have had an emergency of their own or could possibly have one, the desire is inherent in each member to attend every meeting they can to aid a fellow member of mankind.
This has in some cases an undesirable offshoot that causes a few members of the distaff side to develop what is known in the society as the dreaded “fisheye” This is followed up by remarks like: “Another meeting of your group, Ha!”; “Are you certain, it is not that floozy, Abigail?” The poor innocent member realizes that he is trapped. He can’t say where he is going or why! As a result some give up the ghost and retire from the Society – with full honors!
Once someone leaves, then the meeting place, times etc. are changed, so the poor individual is once again on his own. No longer does he have the ability to bring up a urgent or otherwise problem at a meeting and have others who have experienced his plight give him sage advice. For example, if his distaff member wants to buy charger plates (like the Blond in the house did a few years ago), he is going to have to figure out what they are by himself. It is really very sad.
I must hasten to assure mankind members that Husbands United (a secret society) is not giving up. There is still a strong core group. A super-secret meeting has been called at an unknown place and time to work out the issue. It will be done! Someday, I may even be able to inform you what has occurred. One day, members of womankind will find to their surprise that their husbands are suddenly remembering anniversaries, birthdays etc.
Then you will know of the “Return!”
Barry Evans is a Villager.
