To the Editor:
For many years the patient had been suffering.
What was once a healthy body had been gradually mutating into a ghastly figure. Ugly scarring appeared from horrendous taxes, chronic choking occurred from massive regulations, and an escalating fever developed from invasive foreign (and yes, illegal) bodies.
These are some of the many symptoms caused by Dr. Frankenstein, who vowed to “fundamentally transform” the patient. He never did say what kind of transformation he had in mind; but he successfully leeched the life blood out of the military, increasingly prescribed habitual dependencies on government handouts, and sent the patient into cardiac arrest with failed promises to keep its doctors and medical plans. ICE agents successfully revived the patient while en route to the hospital. Once in the OR, and upon seeing Dr. Frankenstein taking his pulse and wallet, the patient exclaimed, “Please get me Dr. Golden Hair”, who immediately rushed in and told Dr. Frankenstein, “You’re fired for medical malpractice!” The OR staff cheered as the patient’s status suddenly changed from critical to stable. Stay tuned for another exciting episode of “Making America Healthy Again” …..
John Shewchuk
Village of Calumet Grove