Back a number of years ago there was a song entitled “Short People”. It had a catchy tune and was popular for a while. However, there were a number of folks who didn’t like the song as they felt it made fun of them. The song died out, and I haven’t heard it in years, I can understand the feeling of those who felt slighted.
It probably upset the men more than the women as 5 feet 2 inches, eyes of blue is still good – although it does seem that most of the young girls today are that height by the sixth grade.
However, it can be admitted that being under a certain height can cause problems. This is the case not only for the person involved, but those around them. For example, I often take my good wife shopping at a department store (I know I am a model husband, but hey that can be good). The problem arises shortly after we enter the store. I will say that I am going to look at a couple of the things in the men’s department and wonder where she will be. The Blonde in our house will then look up at me and say that she will be in the petite section. (Quite possibly, if the person who wrote “Short People” had titled it “Petite People” it might still be sung. Besides that is a more alliterative title which makes it sound like the writer had worked harder.
With it being settled that she will be easily found in the petite section, I head off to the men’s section. After about five minutes I have glance through the men’s department and have decided I don’t need anything. I then head off to the petite section. After several more minutes I find a clerk and ask her where the petites are located. She points vaguely down the hallway. Eventually I find another clerk and ask her the same question. Sometimes that works, but if not, I eventually use a process of elimination to find it. Now that I am at the site, the real adventure begins in an attempt to find the petite one – in the petite section.
Now most men who have searched for their wives know that a lady’s section will usually have three or four racks of clothes that go around a center pole which means you have to walk all the way around while peering through all sorts of lady’s clothes. For some reason even if you are in the petite section the racks are just as high as in the big and tall section. Thus, while I start the hunt with high hopes it becomes rapidly obvious that she is probably behind one of the racks, but I can’t determine which one. I keep looking mostly to no avail and after about twenty minutes of futility I start to get panicky. Sometimes, I get so panicky that I revert to a gamut that I know never works.
This involves calling her on her cell phone. That never works as she never answers it – mainly because she knows that she will never find it in her purse in time to answer before the caller gives up. Still, I try. After this I head to the checkout area and ask a clerk if they have seen a petite blonde pass by. He/she always answer in the negative. I am about ready to call 911, when she comes down the aisle and says “Oh, there you are.” It can have other ramifications as the last time we were in a store, she somehow found what she wanted immediately. Therefore, while I was looking for her, she was wandering over in the men’s sections trying to find me! When we did finally meet, the greeting was “Where the heck were you. I looked all over”.
To answer an unspoken question, I did not mention that I have often faced such an ordeal. We have determined to avoid such occasions in the future by going to different areas together. This is one of the good things about a long marriage, we can solve matters with ease. I didn’t even mention that we have tried this before. What happens then is when we are in a petite section; I get bored and look at my cell. When I look up, she has disappeared some place behind the racks and I have to try and find her.
Sigh!
Barry Evans is a columnist for Villages-News.com
