There is trouble brewing right here in The Villages! The Blonde in the house has been speaking out loud the most cursed of words, “Cruise”. The trouble all starts with friends who go on two week, forty-one day and even round the world cruises that take three months or so. If I went on long cruises like that, I would be a basket case. It is not as though I have not been a good husband in that regard.
I have taken her on two long cruises of seven days (seemed longer). We went clear from Seattle, where our youngest son used to live, to Alaska not too many years ago. Then we took a second seven day cruise from Boston, where our oldest son lives, through Canada and ended up in Montreal pretty recently. One thing I did find interesting about that trip is when we flew home to Orlando most of the people on the plane were French-Canadians on their way to Disney World and Universal Studios.
When the plane lifted up, they let out a mighty cheer. They did the same thing when we landed. I wanted to join in, but the Blonde said I would be doing it for a different reason – the cruise was over. I believe that my youngest son agrees with me as a couple of weeks ago, he took his first cruise of four days and three nights on a Disney ship. He opined that the period of time was about as long as he was interested. A good son!
Now I realize that I am probably not on the right side of truth, justice and the American way on this issue. Thus, over the years I have tried to elicit information from those who subject themselves to these ordeals. I am usually regaled with the entertainment on the ships, the food and the ability to read under calm conditions (unless there is a raging gale, or Pirates are attacking). After checking the prices for the cruises, I figure that I could probably afford a few nights at Broadway shows, visit the best restaurants anywhere, and read books in the calm of my own home and still have funds left over.
In fact when some of my neighbors speak ill of my antipathy toward cruises, I simply and self-righteously say that “Hey I can take the cost of the cruise and trade in my car on a new one. The car will last longer too”. They then usually walk away muttering that I do not know what I am missing! What these people do not realize is that extended cruises (over 6-7 days) can have an adverse effect on their minds.
We have all seen this in the tales of Popeye. He and his rival Bluto (sometimes known as Brutus) were at sea for many long voyages. When they came back, they immediately got into fights over Olive Oyl because they thought that she was the prettiest thing since Rita Hayworth. Now you all know what Olive looks like, so need I say any more? Personally I feel I can see mind effects on the friends when they return. They all walk funny for some time as well.
Many years ago, I went on a deep sea fishing trip that my oldest son was involved in with his Little League team or something of that nature. We set out from a New Jersey shore and sped out to a fishing site where I was sea sick for four of the worst hours of my life. This enabled me to avoid cruises for many years as I told everyone I did not want to spend a week or so seasick. Then, I let my guard down and said ok to the Alaska trip where lo and behold I did not get seasick. Not even a little bit!
As is obvious I now need a new excuse since the cursed word is being uttered again. I do have a Husbands United (a secret society) meeting soon, but I am not too optimistic about help there as most of them have been brainwashed on cruises. Does any righteous person in The Villages know of a good Anti-Cruise Club? There has to be one out there as The Villages has every other club. Please keep me in mind!
Barry Evans is a resident of The Villages.
