I recently saw a book title that caught my attention: A Short History of Rudeness. As the author Mark Caldwell points out, there was concern around the beginning of the twentieth century about the state of manners in the United States. In 1900, “Ladies’ Home Journal” published an article entitled: “Has the American Bad Manners?”, and shortly thereafter, there appeared in “Harper’s Weekly” the article “Decay of American Manners”. After the publication of Emily Post’s Etiquette in 1922, the situation improved markedly, but at the beginning of the twenty-first century, concerns about American manners were voiced once again.
One could consider the issue of manners trivial. What difference does it really make if I open the door for my wife? Or if I use the proper fork for my salad? Or if I wear my bill cap at the dinner table? Or if I wear a ragged sweatshirt and soiled tennis shoes when I go to a fine restaurant in the evening? What difference does it really make? Yes, one could consider the issue of manners trivial, were it not for the underlying relationship between manners and morals. That manners are indissolubly linked to serious moral issues was in previous generations understood quite well; it is, however, an insight that has slipped once again into forgetfulness.
Both manners and morals are to a large extent a matter of accepted convention in society, and where there is no accepted convention about manners, morals become a matter of personal preference. Accordingly, the difference between right and wrong becomes a decision to be made by the individual. If something pleases me and doesn’t harm anyone else, then I can consider it to be morally right. In my new book Citizens of the Broken Compass, I argue that there are very few moral standards left in our country. Religious conservatives base their views on the Bible; liberals support their views by referring to the concept of human rights and tolerance. Neither position is generally accepted in our society, and in the end, we are left with few standards for morals or manners. Just consider the moral values reflected in Hollywood films and pay attention to the behavior of people around you. If someone hurls rude and abusive language at you, is it a case of bad manners or bad morals–or both? What happened to the high moral standards of times past and where are the gentlemen and the ladies today? Lax morals and bad manners go hand in hand.
Jack E. Brush is a resident of The Villages.