As you may have noticed, it will not be long before Valentine’s Day is upon us. When I was a toddler I wondered why there was this holiday in February of all months. I did some research which was difficult in those days as there were no computers and the encyclopedias in the library were almost as big as I was. I waded through the “V” section and saw that it was claimed that the holiday was named after a priest who was around during the emperor term of Claudius II. Seems that Claudius believed that married men made bad soldiers, and Valentine was going around marrying them anyhow. Naturally, poor Valentine met the fate of those who got in a Roman Emperor’s way.
That is the story that we are supposed to believe. However, it is like most myths that get changed to fit preconceived ideas. When I got older and computers were available, I did my own research. I found out that Valentine’s Day is due to the marketing genius of one man – Glywyn Featherwaite-Evans. Glywyn was a clerk at Clod’s Emporium (what we would call a department store) in early London. The owner, Theobold Clod was not a clod in any sense of our understanding of the word “clod”. What Theobold wanted to do was simply make lots of money as fast as he could. When business was off he was unhappy, and one January he was very unhappy. Christmas sales had been slow and there were lots of returns.
He thought about what to do and he had a good idea. One of his salesmen was Glywyn Featherwaite-Evans, and Glywyn seemed to have some sense about him. He called Glywyn in and said “My boy, I am making you the store’s marketing director”. Glywyn said. “Great” (which he would have said to anything that Theobold said), “but what is a marketing director?” Theobold told him that his job was to promote Clod’s Emporium and make people want to come and buy lots of stuff – even if they did not need it. He then proceeded to inform Glywyn that he expected the great improvement in sales to begin in February – or else.
Poor Glywyn was at a loss. He was the world’s first marketing director and he had no idea how to fulfill Theobold’s demand. He decided that he needed to pray to a saint, but he was not certain which one. He asked a friend who knew all the saints to put their names in a hat, and he would pull one out and pray to him (no hers in those days). He pulled out St. Valentine, but he had never heard of him. He put the slip back in the hat, mixed up the names and pulled out St. Valentine again. He decided that perhaps he should pray to St. Valentine, and he did. He talked to a scholar who knew that St. Valentine had helped lovers, so Glywyn thought that had some potential.
He ordered some billboards made up and had them posted throughout London. The boards indicated that on February 14th there would be the great St. Valentine’s Day sale – a sale to beat all sales. It was noted that St. Valentine had been a man who helped lovers and others and had been given sainthood for it. People were invited to come before the 14th and see the work being done to celebrate St. Valentine’s Day – and they could buy other goods while they looked at great prices. Then, Glywyn had his greatest idea.
He had craftsmen make up some female manikins and he had little red nightgowns made for them. The manikins and nightgowns were placed behind curtains in the great store window. On February 14, there was a large crowd in front and Glywyn drew the curtains. The crowd was stunned, then burst into cheers and bought out everything in the store. Theobold was ecstatic, and even considered giving Glywyn a bonus – but only for a moment. It did not matter much though as Glywyn was nowhere to be found.
Glywyn had not bothered to read about St. Valentine’s difficulties with the Emperor. England had a King rather than an emperor, and it was determined by him that it was not politically correct in those times to have female manikins let alone have then dressed in red night gowns. (Word was that those very items ended up being stored in the King’s section of the palace). In any case, Glywyn was invited to the Tower and was never seen again. (Rumor does have it that he spent his declining years helping out at Macys).
Now you know the rest of the real story! (I don’t suppose that The Blonde in the house will want another red nightgown this year.)
Barry Evans writes about Life in The Villages for Villages-News.com