Tuesday, October 20, 2020
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The Villages

The Target Guys

Barry Evans
Barry Evans

I just realized the other day that I have not mentioned for some time that quality organization known as Husbands United (a secret society). What made me think of it was an email that I received from a friend. He wanted to know that if a group known as the Target Guys were a part of Husbands United. Apparently, the Target group is made up of some husbands who wait while their wives shop at Target.  One fellow claims to have finished his doctorate while waiting.  Another was so bored that he started collecting the grocery carts in the parking lot and returning them to the store. The store manager was so impressed that he told the gentlemen that they would pay him to return carts while his wife was shopping. In any case, a number of them got together and now they pass the time playing poker in one of the big SUV’s and do other things to pass the long wife shopping time.

However, it should be understood that they are not part of Husbands United (a secret society).  For those who may have come in late, Husbands United is composed of senior husbands who have a wealth of knowledge on how to deal with the distaff side of a marriage.  When an unknowledgeable husband has a problem, he can go to Husbands United and find the appropriate solution to remove himself from whatever difficulty (spouse wise) in which he has found himself.

Now it is not quite as easy as it sounds.  As I mentioned it is a secret society.  That means that I or any other knowledgeable husband cannot tell you when or where the meetings are held.  When we do meet, it has been under various names.  We have had several with the longest one being the North Dakota Badminton Society. That worked well until a couple of ladies from North Dakota showed up and wanted to play some badminton.  They were told that the meeting had just been adjourned, but a couple of the guys would be glad to play them.

They did and were crushed. However, that gave us time to recover, change our name and meeting place. To answer the question as to how unknowledgeable husbands can attend a meeting of Husbands United is not easy.  If a member overhears a friend, neighbor or someone else express a problem he has, the member has someone contact that person.  The Unfortunate one is contacted, a meeting is arranged, he is blindfolded and taken to the meeting.  I realize this is a tough system, but you would be amazed at how many unknowledgeable husbands are out here.  If we didn’t have a good control system, we would be overwhelmed. Just about in all the cases an unfortunate’s problem is solved by the knowledgeable husbands. Once in a while, there is no solution.  One famous case in the annals of Husbands United was the gentleman who forgot his 50th anniversary celebration, played golf and then spent considerable time at the 19th hole. No hope there!

I wish I could explain some of the unique solutions that have been used to solve problems by the wise husbands of Husbands United.  Unfortunately, nothing can be released until the statue of limitations have expired.  The limitations are dependent on whether the memory banks of the problem spring forth again in the head of the spouse.  Since no one knows when this could happen, the cases remain under lock and key by the most senior knowledgeable husband – and I will never divulge them!

We have had some problems with the pandemic in securing a meeting place, but we have managed to still be of help to those more unfortunate than us. We did try an email, but it was secret and nobody used it. But you may be assured that we are still here!

Villager Barry Evans is a regular contributor to Villages-News.com.

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