I have found that you can go into the fanciest gym in the whole USA, and see all sorts of exercise equipment. They shine brilliantly and you can work wonders with them – or so I have been told. However, they all lack a piece of equipment that is needed by humanity, particularly those getting up in age. I, of course, am referring to a machine that as far as I know has not been invented yet. It shouldn’t be that difficult to make either. What is needed is a simple machine that strengthens fingers and hands so that jars and bottles can be opened. It is very disconcerting when the Blonde in the House hands me a jar or bottle and says, “open this, please.” I grunt and twist and sometimes I do, and sometimes I don’t even with the help of various plastic or rubber mat like things.
That sort of occurrence makes me feel old and dilapidated. OK, so I am old and dilapidated, but still … I don’t think it is just the slowly growing old person that suffers from this malady though. For example, there is a company that makes a wide mouth jam jar. I can barely get my hands around it. I doubt if even Hulk Hogan in his prime or The Rock could open it – alright perhaps they could with one of the plastic or rubber things. One good aspect here is having knowledge of kitchen equipment that goes way back. I don’t even attempt anymore to try and twist open this jar. I have a secret weapon in that we still have an old fashioned can opener. It is the one with a sharp point at the bottom.
I raise the can opener high and slam down on the center of the lid in order to poke a hole in it. Sometimes, it takes a couple of slams as those diabolical lid makers know their stuff! Eventually I poke a hole in it, the air whooshes out and I can then open it easily. I saw an example of the lack of kitchen equipment knowledge by younger people on a TV program I was watching. This young fellow in his 20’s was trying to open a jar similar to the jam jar I mentioned. He was twisting and grunting to no avail. Thus, he became frustrated and banged it down on the kitchen counter and broke the jar. He cut his hand (at least according to the script) and had to wear a bandage even while trying to rescue the fair maiden.
If he had known about the old fashioned can opener, his life would have been simpler. However, his mom probably didn’t have one either. True, if he did have one, it might have loused up the plot. However, all the young people watching might have had their thought process direct them to buying one for their own use. I have no idea how many old fashioned can opener makers are out there, but a rush to buy the openers would start the factories rolling again and more folks would be hired. Definitely, a can’t lose situation! I believe that my little example above shows the need for more equipment in gyms. It should not be that hard for a minor genius to come up with a machine that lets you twist with your fingers or hands against increasing pressure. At the very least, it would let those manufacturers who cackle hilariously when their bottles and jars are ready for delivery to unsuspecting buyers, that they can’t get away with it.
Just let me know when the “twist-off” machine is ready!
Barry Evans is a columnist for Villages-News.com.