As I mentioned in my first column on Life in the Villages, we moved away for eight months before admitting it was a mistake and moving back. One of the things I missed was the meetings of Husbands United (a secret society). Husbands United is dedicated to aid mankind – as contrasted to womankind. It is a band of men combined to aid their brothers in time of need.
An example I will mention what was our longest hardest case while I was a member. It seems there was this poor soul who one glorious day scored a hole in one at the Virginia course at Mallory. His friends convinced him that this deserved a celebration which lasted until the wee hours of the morning. The only problem was that he was supposed to be at his 50th anniversary party that evening. It took all the guile and brainpower of Husbands United to work this issue out.
The ultimate fact is that the couple enjoyed their 53rd anniversary last month. Of course, it should have been their 55th, but there was a two year hiatus in there while things were worked out. Now all issues were not that bad. There was the husband whose wife said that she wanted charger plates. Like the rest of us he had no idea what charger plates were. (They are those big plates they have out at restaurants which they take away when they bring the food so you can’t eat off them.)
Apparently, they exist for home use as well. In any case, he went to the San Diego Chargers home page where he found some beautiful plates that even said “Chargers” on them. He bought them, but for some unknown reason, his wife did not want them. We were chewing on this issue at a meeting when one of the lads who came in late said that he knew what charger plates were as his wife had secured some.
He called her from a secure phone and found out where she had purchased them. So the husband in question ran out and bought the proper plates. On top of that one of the members was from San Diego, so he took the “Chargers” plates off the hands of the husband in distress and put them in his man cave and all was well.
Now I was not a member of Husbands United (a secret society) because of any problems with the Blonde in the House. Rather, I was recruited because of my broad knowledge of the feminine mind – which proved most valuable many times. However, when I came back I could, naturally, not find the meeting place. Being a secret society, the meeting time and place are very secret. At one time we used names that would not cause suspicion.
For a couple of years we met at one of the recreation centers as the “North Dakota Badminton Club” This worked until one day two ladies wandered in and wanted to know when they could get a game in. We sent two of the members out to play them while we immediately dispersed to meet another day. The two members got creamed by the way. It would be better not to schedule a badminton game with ladies from North Dakota.
It took us six months to get back together- with a lesser membership. It is extremely hard to set up secret meetings at a secret place involving a secret society.
That is my problem now, I don’t know where the secret meetings are, where they meet or even what day or time. You don’t walk in to a meeting (even if you could find it) and ask to be a member. You have to have a problem that is worthy of the talents of the members of Husbands United (a secret society).
What you have to do is mention your problem to as many men as you can. Ultimately, a member will hear it from you. or if it is one that will be repeated, from someone else. Then you will be contacted by a friendly face who will draw you out. A worthy crisis will get you invited. You will be taken by a devious route to a meeting where your issue will be heard and hopefully resolved.
My efforts to find the meeting is hampered by the fact that The Blonde in the House and I have no problems. She recognizes my innate knowledge of the feminine mind so all is smooth. Darn, I need to find that meeting place!
Barry Evans is a resident of The Villages.