Since I wrote my last column, there have been those who wondered if I found the time and meeting place of Husbands United (a secret society), I did indeed find it. Actually, they found me as my broad knowledge of the feminine psyche was most sorely missed. There was some consternation as some had read comments about the column on a web page. It should be noted that the last comment approved of the greatness of Husbands United and the good work it does. A suggestion was even made as to an acronym for the Society. The suggestion will probably be considered sometime when there is time left after solving the problems brought by members.
However, there was no question that there was intent to infiltrate Husbands United by members of womankind. They even offered food. That caused some discussion, but wise heads prevailed. How can mankind be aided, if womankind becomes involved? We even had an offer by the “Forgetters” club to merge, but we figured that for obvious reasons, that they would not remember where the meetings were even if we told them. Another gentleman apparently was suggesting that we use pig Latin, possibly for minutes. We do not keep minutes, but it any case a couple of the lads said that their wives knew the language as well as they did. Finally, I must reiterate, I cannot tell you where the club meets, what time it meets, or who the members are.
Now to go to another subject, the other day I had occasion to use the word “distaff”. As I did I realized that I had not seen it used for some time. I mean it is a perfectly good word. I used it on The Blonde in the house and she didn’t bop me so it is still accepted in some circles. Perhaps, it is politically incorrect since it refers to the feminine domain in the old sense. You know such as the person who makes the rhubarb pies. Actually, if she didn’t I don’t know who would – certainly not me.
If The Blonde did not assume this responsibility, it would be a great loss to the world – or at least to me as I eat most of them. It is amazing what the potential loss of a word can do to civilization. Therefore, I would urge each of you to use “distaff” whenever you get a chance. Perhaps it might be wise to only use it on ladies over 39 as you might get bopped. Ladies under 39 might consider it a bad word. Naturally, you will have to determine first whether the lady is over 39 or not as you might get clobbered anyhow, particularly if she has happened to read this column.
Aside from that we have been faced with the Senior Games in The Villages. Apparently, it is ok to use “senior” in this context. It is good to know this as life can get very confusing in relationship as to what is “in” and what is “out” from a political correctness standpoint. It is not only words, but one even has to be careful as to whom one opens a door. Some young ladies will slam it on your toe, if you are not careful. Most likely the easiest thing for men our age is to pretend that we are too old to see properly and not notice that the door should be held open. That is, unless it is a lady over 39 who may bop you, if you don’t hold it open for her. I tell you it is a dangerous world out there, and it is getting worse all the time.
When I was growing up life was much simpler. Everybody knew the rules. The guys asked the girls out, paid for everything, held open the doors and walked on the street side of the sidewalk. Just a few years ago, one of my young distaff (see I got to use the word again) department heads thought it was hilarious that I insisted on walking on the street side of the sidewalk. She had never heard of that particular chivalrous act, which dated back to the Middle Ages when people threw their garbage out the upstairs window and the arc carried it to where the man was walking. True not many people throw their garbage out the upstairs window anymore, but the thought is still there and cars can splash dirty puddle water on the person closest to the curb.
I doubt that anyone would have thought even forty years ago that once we reached the 21st Century that men would get smacked for reasons that were considered politeness at one time. Men have always gotten bopped by women but there were usually pretty good reasons that we will not expound on at this point. Thank goodness for organizations like Husbands United (a secret society) otherwise who knows where we would be. Besides, if we wait long enough the rules will change again and it will be the younger generation that will be confused – and they deserve it!
Barry Evans is a Villager.