It is the holiday season and many people tell me that they are going “up north” to visit or whatever. When I ask them what is “up north”, I often get an answer like Georgia for Pete’s sake! How Georgia ever got to be thought of as “up north” is beyond me. People there would not be happy being thought of as northerners. Apparently, anything out of Florida falls in the category of being up north even Louisiana. Well, perhaps not Louisiana at least for long. The way the Mississippi is washing that state into the Gulf of Mexico the residents there may shortly be talking of going north to Florida.
I grew up in Pennsylvania not far from Lake Erie so when you considered something to be in the north you were talking about Canada or Buffalo at the least. Everything else was “down south” or “out west”. At least we had two directions and did not classify the rest of the country as being in a single direction. I guess it is how you look at things from your perspective, but even that can lead to strange aspects.
For example, we have a number of universities in the State’s system. One of them is the University of South Florida. Now the University of North Florida is in Jacksonville which is about as far north as you can go and stay in the state. By the same token the University of West Florida (The Blond in the house’s alma mater) is in Pensacola which is as far as west as you can go. Naturally one would expect the University of South Florida to be in Miami or perhaps Homestead – or someplace down there. As we all know it is not, it is right smack in Tampa!
Therefore, what you have is a humble high school senior in Miami or Naples who excitedly tells all his friends that he is going to go “up north” and attend the University of South Florida. Now, we all know that the young people of today for the most part are very deficient in geography. How can you expect otherwise, when their own state gives them a false sense of direction by making some go north to go to the south Florida University! No wonder people get confused and think Georgia and perhaps South Carolina are northern states.
There is a serious side to the matter particularly at this time of year. I am referring to poor old Santa Claus. He can’t say he is going “up north” because he is stuck up at the North Pole and thus can’t go anywhere but “down south” which may make Alaska a southern state.
I will admit that there is some controversy over whether Santa is at the geographic north pole or the magnetic north pole. If he is at the latter, then he could go a few hundred miles north to the geographic location. Personally, I doubt that he is at the magnetic pole as all that magnetism would interfere with modern toys and equipment.
Now as is often said in an insurance ad, “Did you know . . .” In this case, I am referring to one of the world’s oldest, but best-kept secret. That is, there are two Santa’s one for the northern hemisphere and one for the southern. Surely, you did not think one could handle the whole world. They are twins who every fifty or so years switch places. The main reason for this is that after a certain length of time one of the Santas is completely upset because he can’t go “up north” and the other feels the same way because he can’t go “up south” as he obviously is at the South Pole. This Santa has to go “down north” all the time, which apparently makes Argentina a northern country.
I assume that some of you think that my knowledge of geography is somewhat confused, but I assure you that it is not. Look, we are on a planet floating in a universe beyond comprehension. We say that the north pole is at the top, and the south pole at the bottom, but how do we know? We could be looking at things upside down. That’s probably why we do not get along with the Klingons as everyone knows they think it is the other way around.
Just so everyone is aware, we are not going anywhere this season. It’s too confusing out there!
Villager Barry Evans writes about life in The Villages for Villages-News.com