Have you noticed that when you turn on the TV, you have to be very careful in doing so. The reason being that someone may have left it on a news station. There is very little worse in today’s world than turning on the news the first thing in the morning. Without question taking that step will ruin the rest of your day. The news “generals” will have a potpourri of wars, terrorists, shootings, accidents,
election follies. Identity theft, and some things not mentioned in polite company.
If I were running for president (not that I would want to), I would pledge to have the FCC require that all televisions would have an “easy to do” program that anybody with a second grade education could work. This program would allow the TV owner to fix the database so that no bad news would be aired until everyone in the family had a decent breakfast. I realize that it would be difficult to find any program that would come on as even kids programs have an anvil being dropped on some poor characters head. However, that is OK as the goal would be met of not having to watch the “news” until you have some food on your belly.
Once people got a taste of good news though, they might demand more. They might even bring back Captain Kangaroo. Nuts, I guess that they could not do that. “Captain” is a military term and might get some people wanting to turn on a news station. I know! They could resurrect old Mr. Rogers’ Neighborhood shows. No military there. I think that he did have trains on his show once in a while, but they usually carried a stuffed animal or something – positively no tanks or soldiers. Definitely, a subject I would use in my campaign. “Good News” for everyone.
Obviously, this would tick off certain people – especially the news generals. I mean, they spend big bucks to report on all the loathsome things that happen in the world. They also have all these news gatherers and talking heads who might lose their jobs since no one would be watching. They might even have to go on Mr. Rogers’ program and interview Mr. Greenjeans or whoever was appearing that week. They probably would not even know how to ask a “good” question. Life as they know it would not be They would try their best to not let that happen. So would the politicians as they would not want to appear on Mr. Rogers as they would be of the belief that there would not be any voters watching. Little would they suspect that lots of voters would consider that program as a welcome relief from the “news”. Obviously, then all those ticked off people would have it in for me as I campaigned. They would find out after I left as city manager of a city that twenty years later a sewer main broke – and it would be my fault.
Worse yet, they would attack my Blonde in the house. They would say that she was a money grabber and made me take her on an expensive honeymoon in Donegal. Naturally, they would not mention that it was Donegal, Pennsylvania. I would take umbrage on that of course. However, I would worry a little as when I opened our suitcase that first night someone had filled it with rice which went all over the room. I had nothing with which to pick up the rice so the poor motel owner probably had to. I will admit that even now when we travel the Pennsylvania Turnpike, I steer clear of Donegal – motel owners have a long memory!
In any case, if I did beat back those who would attack me, I still probably could not get the TV change I mentioned above. Congress would most likely amend the bill so much that even if passed they would add a large division in the Department of Education to make certain the law was followed and the Nation’s debt would go up another trillion or so.
Shoot, I guess that I will not run for president after all. Besides above all a president as to be a good golfer. I’d never make it there!
Barry Evans writes about Life in The Villages for Villages-News.com