“Resistance to Launch Civil War on July 4th!”… Alex Jones
What follows is real news … not “fake news” promulgated by CNN, MSNBC, ABC, CBS, Bloomberg News, NBC, PBS, BBC, The Food Network and others of their ilk.
While some of you may be hiding your head in the sand refusing to acknowledge what’s in plain sight, it’s important that you know we’ve been at war since July 4. Somehow, the fake news has held back reporting attacks on Red Hats (not the women who gather to dine, kibitz and do good deeds) by Democrats, aka The Resistance, aka The Elites; the MSM’s lack of transparency clearly proves they are in the pocket of these deplorables.
Alex Jones of Infowars, a good bud and fellow conspirator of the Red Hat leader, made it clear that Civil War 2.0 would start July 4, and the fact that none of you have any knowledge of this is proof-positive that fake news is not reporting the really important stuff that’s happening all around us. We must open our eyes to the disasters these Elites are causing to our challenged (in so many ways) leader and his minions of supporters – that’s minions, not millions.
So, as a public service, we determined to report from the front lines in order to edify and inform. Well, actually we can’t do that. We tried, but the Red Hats are so busy defending our MAGA country against Elites that all they could manage were repetitious responses via a bot … Sarah Somethingorother, which always ends with “I refer you to his outside counsel.”
We hoped to get a report in writing from the great leader, but it seems anything beyond 280 characters is a challenge. We had no problem accessing the Elites, though – they have this “thing” about transparency.
“Dateline: Outside Mar-a-Lago: “I can see the Red Hats taking refuge in the dining room! We Elites are carrying our usual artillery … copies of the forbidden Constitution and steaming carafes of Starbucks Grande Skinny Cinnamon Dolce Latte. It seems that even the cockroaches have flown the coop in fear … oh, wait. Our intelligence reports all have retreated to the kitchen and are feasting on Chick-fil-A and Papa John’s. Our Elite army is doing exceptionally well since apparently the Red Hats have no intelligence.”
“Dateline: Bedminster Golf Club ‘OMG!:’ After his golf cart was attacked, the leader of the Red Hats has taken cover in a bunker between the eighth and ninth holes. We are elated to have the support of Jeff Bezos, who volunteered to deliver 100,000 MAGA engraved golf balls personally … via drone. It’s being reported by the National Inquirer (not fake news) that several balls missed their mark and instead hit VP Pence, who was, as usual, following the leader. Mother reports his head nodding continues unabated and he is keeping the faith.
Dateline: The White House: “The leader’s official media platform, named after a bunny eater (who infects everyone within hearing with the eventual diagnosis of ‘brain dead’), just released a memo from the field written by the Red Hat leader. Problem is, no one on our side understands it. He keeps repeating the same words like ‘fantastic’ and ‘no collusion’ and ‘you’ll have to ask my outside consil (sic).’ Sentence structure and a limited vocabulary make communication difficult. The leader does seem to have decent receptive language skills in Russian – as noted by his ability to follow instructions. Expressively, he keeps uttering ‘covfefe.’”
Dateline: Update, the White House: Bret Stephens, conservative writer for the New York Times, reporting on recent battles, said that the Red Hat leader is like an uninvited guest who pees on your oriental carpet, breaks an antique urn, kicks your dog, makes a pass at your wife and then sends you a bill for his inconvenience. The G-7, NATO, and the British PM can relate.
Dateline: Battlefield near Capitol Hill. “The Red Hats appear to have deserted the area. The streets are as empty as the day their leader was inaugurated. One lingering soul was heard to whine their war cry, ‘Womp, Womp’ as he ran towards the nearest Dollar Store for cover.”
Dateline: Rallying the troops in the field: “The Elites report back that the Red Hat leader has lost it. Spies inserted with the white-robe clad troops have reported he is now mumbling ‘Pocahontas’ on a regular basis and measuring acquaintances’ cheekbones to determine enemy status. Sad.”
Dateline: Library of Congress: “The Elites report they’ve found the perfect location for R&R following their recent successes. Libraries. How perfect is that – the one place you’d never find a Red Hat. One other point: We Elites have been communicating using grammatically correct sentences. Red Hats simply cannot break the code.”
Note found on the battlefield, signed “An Anonymous Elite:” “I’ve escaped my captors! But the trauma! The torture! It was unbearable! I was forced – forced, mind you – to watch episodes of “Duck Dynasty” repeatedly with Ted Nugent’s one-hit wonder (he couldn’t recall the name either) playing incessantly in the background. The final straw was the threat that I would be surrounded by TV screens all showing “Hannity” 24/7! They promised, if I confessed my Elite status, I could avoid this torture. I’m a coward – the threat was more than I could bear. When my guard left to refill his bowl of Cheetos, I made my escape. Find me! I need treatment!”
This phase of the war is expected to end Nov. 6. In the meantime, Gen. Mueller will provide status reports to the American people using former Red Hatters who have reportedly seen the error of their ways. As for Alex Jones, tune in. The next big delusion is just around the corner. BOO!
Marsha Shearer is a Villager and a frequent contributor to Villages-News.com.