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The Villages
Thursday, December 2, 2021

Bring on Thanksgiving and all it has to offer

Barry Evans
Barry Evans

Thanksgiving is almost upon us and the big holiday season will ensue. There are certain entities that really enjoy the season. Stores of all types are waiting with bated breath for folks to start the buying.  This season they are probably finding that activity has increased already. Everybody has been warned that they should pursue what they desire for others as ships can’t get into ports to drop off all the goodies.  Of course, what that means is that all the stores will run out even earlier and people will be mumbling about a lousy Christmas.  Perhaps, those who remember how or all already doing it for old time sakes will make presents for their loved ones and others. Just think that might make a real Old-Fashioned Christmas!  I know Amazon is still out there, but even they do not sell homemade gifts – at least I think they don’t.

Thanksgiving naturally involves food. So far, we do not get most of our food from overseas, so the market should be able to handle that.  That should make food handlers happy – as they will have the funds to be able to buy Christmas gifts galore – assuming they can find any!  Then there are those who profit from the holiday season after market.  In this case, I am referring to the diet folks.  There will be many, many individuals who will look in the mirror and determine that they may have just eaten a little bit too much over the Holidays.  Thus, there will be many New Year’s resolutions that will be made with heart filled intent to lose some pounds.  Naturally, they will need help and there are a few companies out there that would just love to meet the need.

Personally. If I were in charge of dieting, I would make everybody eat diced beets covered with rutabaga sauce. I understand that just facing a plate of that would cause weight to fall off.  I know that it would for me.  My diet would assume that some folks would insist on meat.  Therefore, my factory would prepare delicious pig knuckles stuffed with rooster comb.  The dessert would be a flavorful fig jello with asparagus juice on the top.  I have checked with several nutritionists who assure me that a unique prepared diet like the above would successfully lose copious pounds for those in dire need of returning to a desired weight. 

I would just have to figure out a way to market the product.  In reviewing the situation, it would seem that all I need to do is saturate TV will some sparkling ads involving comely ladies.  It would be necessary to ruin what people really want to watch on TV by constant repeats of the ads.  If done properly, then it starts to sink into TV watchers head that “Hey, this may be the solution!”.  There would be the normal promise that money would be returned cheerfully (actually not real cheerfully) after a six-month trial at a “reasonable” price.  This can’t miss!

The whole project of course would permit me to buy The Blonde in the House some nice gifts.

That’s assuming that the ships have made it in to port and there is something available to buy!

  Villager Barry Evans is a columnist for Villages-News.com


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