Most men are aware that when people, especially relatives, need to get you a present they often revert to the usual – a new shirt. (I am retired so no ties). Personally, I do not mind as I like a diversity of shirts. My problem is twofold. First, I never wear out a shirt. No matter how often I wear them, they always show up clean and after being washed. They look just as good as the ones I rarely wear. Secondly, I am what most would say as fairly old. Thus, I have been given many shirts in my time. Many of them are still with me and have outlived some of the givers. I have given away shirts to about every known charity and some that I doubt that anyone has heard of.
However, no matter how many I give away new ones show up to replace them.
There are shirts that I should give away, but they have a history about them. For example, I have a shirt that says “Rhubarb Power” on it. Anyone who knows me is aware that I love rhubarb – preferably in a pie. My mother made a splendid rhubarb pie as does The Blonde in the house. Furthermore, everyone also knows me is aware that it is a straight rhubarb pie with no strawberries added. Adding strawberries is for sissies and ruins a great dessert. Any strawberries hanging around should be saved for strawberry shortcake – which The Blonde also makes with a tasty biscuit (not angel food cake or some other squishy cake). I usually control any advance word when The Blonde makes a rhubarb pie. If I don’t all sorts of people, including some I haven’t seen for ages, show up with puppy dog eyes wanting some of the pie.
The Blonde will tell anyone who asks that while I normally am a pretty nice guy, I don’t share my rhubarb pie! Heck, we have six grandkids and I don’t think any of them is aware that such a pie even exists. In any case to go back to shirts, my “Rhubarb Power” shirt should go to someone who might wear it. I have barely worn it, even though it is one of my more spectacular shirts. The reason is simple, it is made of some scratchy polyester that I can’t stand. If I give it to some charity, I have a sinking feeling that some one might end up using it as a rag to wash their car or motorcycle. That would not be a fitting end, especially since I do not believe that there are that many rhubarb shirts around. If anybody out there is willing to give it a good home, arrangements can be made.
The above is just one excuse as to why I haven’t given away more of my shirts. It has now been compounded as we have moved and our closets are small and narrow. Small is one thing, narrow is another. I have very banged up elbows since I reach into the narrow closet, to pull out a shirt. Naturally, the shirt I need is cramped in with a bunch of other shirts. I normally have to yank on the one I want. When it gets free from use of my pulling power, it comes out with a rush and I crack my elbow on the doorway. It is astonishing how simple living conditions can be so traumatizing.
I see no hope for my ever getting rid of a good portion of my shirts even though I know someone will give me a nice new one. One possible solution would be if a pleasant person would give me a “Rhubarb Power” shirt made out of a nice comfortable material. I would probably wear it a lot. The Blonde could give away a bunch of shirts, and I probably wouldn’t even notice it – at least as long as it didn’t include my super hero T shirts!
Barry Evans is a columnist for Villages-News.com