The Christmas season is upon us.
Once upon a time is a good start, but we know how those end, so I will skip that. Instead, I will just go directly to the matter. In this case there was the comely blonde and her new husband. They have been married for six great months. The blonde thought considerably about what she should him for Christmas. She decided that she had the perfect gift – an electric razor. Every man should have one, she thought. However, two problems evolved. The first was that the meanie guessed what she was getting him. The second was that he didn’t like electric razors! Not a great way for him to start on the first Christmas.
However, she kept her cool unlike Frankie who shot Johnny before Christmas. Johnny would have preferred another “gift” too, but some things are irreversible. Frankie on the other hand was permitted to spruce up her solitary jail cell with decorations. The warden even helped her!
Then there was poor misrepresented Marie-Antoinette who purportedly said, “Let them eat cake.” This was taken as a disdain of the peasants who couldn’t afford bread let alone cake. Historians don’t think she said that. One noted historian feels that she and the King were sitting around, and Marie said to Lou (that’s what she called him,) “Why don’t we have a nice cake to eat on Christmas?’ Unfortunately, a household person told friends the other version. Thus, no Merry Christmas for Marie-Antoinette and Louis XVI.
Another unfortunate Christmas was suffered by the little known King Thiele of Under Pakistan. He decided to do some brown-nosing with his powerful neighbor, Peter the Great of Russia.
So, he and his wife Mablein designed a large silver plate with a homage to Peter in pure gold letters. They also sent a message which indicated that he was the world’s best leader. Neither the King or Queen knew Russian, so they asked a Duke if he had someone who could translate their message to Russian. The duke sent his son who knew a little Russian. Actually, he knew very little Russian, but he did his best. The message that arrived said, “Peter you are a pompous ego driven despot and should not be ruling any country in this world.” Peter blew a gasket and took umbrage. He also took military action and sent out a decree that any book that mentioned King Thiele or Lower Pakistan was to be immediately burned. Naturally one book survived or I would not know the story. It also proves that you should double check any messages you send.
Obviously, we can’t end with sad tales. The comely blonde and the good husband have now been married much longer than six months. Lots of happenings have occurred in the many ensuing years. Needs are different for one thing. Thus, this year there is no razor, but rather a simpler walker which folds to a very narrow unit. She gave it to him in advance but unlike Frankie’s gift the Hubby can use it toward his goal of becoming walker free. The Hubby has bought the comely blonde a nice present or two, but she doesn’t get them in advance – which she tries to do every year.
Merry Christmas!
Barry Evans is a columnist for Villages-News.com.