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The Villages
Thursday, October 28, 2021

Options of having a dog

We have had dogs in the past, but do not have one now.  We have given it due consideration, but figured if we got one now it would probably outlive us.  Our sons have dogs of their own so they do not need another one.  However, The Blonde in the House purchased a toy dog that she had seen in a catalog.  She named it Muffin.  The point with this pup is that it breathes and has its own small bed.  It breathes, naturally, from the power supplied by a couple of D batteries.

However, it lies there and appears very natural.  We were constantly surprised by folks including delivery people and workers who thought that Muffin was alive. Some were afraid to touch her for fear of waking her.  Others were not certain whether she was alive or not. She had the appearance of a cute golden retriever puppy.  Unfortunately, after only about ten years, Muffin started making a groaning like noise.  There was no question that she was on her way out. This was almost as traumatic as if she had been real.

The Blonde decided that as with a real dog, it was necessary to get a new one.  Therefore, another golden retriever puppy with D batteries was purchased.  She was slightly dissimilar in looks with a different colored bed. She is named Mattie, and she has the same effect on people.  We had a gentleman working in the kitchen.  He never said anything, but at lunch time he told a friend who was working in the next apartment about Mattie.  He told him that “the dog sleeps too much.”  He brought his friend over to see Mattie and told The Blonde that “she sleeps too much!”.  It was explained to him as to the type of dog Mattie was.  He was astonished!

Now the above is just a lead into the real problem now being faced in the Evans Family.  That is, what do we do with Muffin?  Muffin has been a long-time family member.  You can’t just throw her in the garbage just because batteries no longer supply her breathe correctly.  Well, I suppose that you could, but what would people think?  The Blonde has placed her in a bed in the box in which Mattie came.  However, we can’t keep the box and Muffin around forever.  Thus, if anybody out there has a good idea of a funeral and proper relocation, it would be appreciated if you would let us know.

Since, we have downsized and no longer live in a house with a yard, we can’t just bury her under a palm tree.  Besides Muffin was like me and didn’t like palm trees!  I had suggested that we have her cremated and put in a small urn that could be put on a mantle.  The Blonde couldn’t bear the thought of that.  Besides the crematories that I talked too wouldn’t cremate her anyhow.  They said that they didn’t do dogs!  (I just think they were being snooty.)  We are beside ourselves on this issue and are at a loss as to what we should do.  I repeat, if anybody out there has a good solution do a good deed and let us know.  If it works, we will name the next dog after you.

I should now mention another creature, namely Ludwig the yellow rubber ducky and his little brother Larry.  I had stated that law enforcement had found them at Alexander Springs.  Unfortunately, by the time the law enforcement people got to their location, Ludwig and Larry had disappeared.  What concerns me is that the notorious Ed “Two Fingers” Williams and his moll had been spotted in the area.  Ludwig may be getting all the adventure he wanted!

Villager Barry Evans is  columnist for Villages-News.com.

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