I am approached at various places asking why I have not related any more of the cases at Husbands United (a secret society). Even The Blonde in the house wonders what happens there (I keep the secrets, but it isn’t easy). As I have mentioned many times, the only time I can talk about happenings there is when a case is completely closed and everyone is either satisfied or gone. Any reports I give, naturally, have no names attached to them. At this point there is one that I can mention.
In the not too distant past, we arrived at a meeting and there was a blindfolded private eye sitting in a chair. He had a case involving a member of the distaff side and he was aware that the greatest understanding of the feminine mind rested at Husbands United (a secret society). He had attempted to find us, but since no one except members know when and where we meet, he was unsuccessful. He even tried to hack our computer. That did not work either as we don’t have a computer that we use for data on our cases.
What we do have are a couple of Druids. Druids as you know go way back in the British Isles before Stonehenge. They are still around with their secret rites. One thing which they have been taught through many generations is to have total recall. For example, they can read a book and ten years later can quote the whole book from memory. Obviously, they are a good choice for our records. Finally, he told everyone he came in touch with that he desperately wanted to meet with us.
We discussed the matter and sent one of our members who is a master at disguise (so that the private eye would not recognize him in the future) to bring him to a meeting blindfolded. He understood that he was not to remove the blindfold as that would require us to find another meeting place which is a great bother. The P.I. informed us that he had a client who was probably going to be arrested shortly and he wanted our view of the matter.
It seems that there was a couple where the husband was suspicious of what his wife was doing when he was away. At the same time, she was suspicious of what he was doing when he was away. A truly suspicious couple! He came home early one night and someone smashed him over the head with a large antique Ming vase. When the police arrived, the husband was lying on the floor in a deceased state. The spouse was sitting with pieces of the Ming vase in her hands on the stairs wailing uncontrollably (about the vase). When she gained control, she told them that she had seen a man go out the door as she came down the stairs.
The police have not found anyone and they now think that the spouse is the one who did the evil deed. Knowing our great knowledge of the feminine mind, he wanted our thoughts on the matter. It did not take us long to point out to him that while the spouse might have wanted to bang her husband over the head with something, she would never have used her priceless Ming vase. We further pointed out that when she saw what her “friend” had done, she most likely picked up one of the broken pieces of the vase and threw it at him. We suggested that he check with hospitals and emergency rooms in the area to see if anyone showed up that night with injuries.
He did and found out at one of the emergency rooms that a man had appeared with what looked like pieces of a vase in his head. The police were told, the suspect was arrested and both he and the spouse were tried. Unfortunately, for the perpetrator the jury was all female. When they heard the evidence especially about the Ming vase, they recommended the death penalty. The Judge told them that while she understood their reasoning, she had to go by the guidelines established by the state. Therefore, she sentenced him to 25 years with no parole. The spouse was given a one year probation sentence as the jury felt she had suffered enough with the loss of the vase.
Just another stirring example of Husbands United’s understanding of the feminine mind!
Barry Evans writes about “Life in The Villages” for Villages-News.com
