Don’t feed the alligators

When I started working at the country club, one of the biggest perks was the million-dollar view I got to look at every time I clocked in. Our banquet facility has a panoramic view of the Sarasota Bay coastline. The seaside setting is a big selling point for all those beach-loving brides who will pay top dollar to have the view of the Gulf of Mexico as their wedding photo backdrop. The sun going down over Anna Maria Island is priceless. 

The only thing better than my new employer’s spectacular view is all my new land, water, and air critter friends that came with the job. It’s a sight this Jersey girl has only dreamed of having. Turtles, otters, hawks, groupers, raccoons, spoonbills, and dolphins, and I could see everything from the second-story dining room windows while working no less. 

Our most notable mascot, though, must be “Tick Tock.” 

I was introduced to him after a couple of weeks of working there. By luck on my part, he decided to make himself seem. It was a little before 3:00 p.m. when I arrived at the golf course. As I walked from the employee parking area to the entrance of the building, I noticed a bunch of my coworkers under the construction area where we store all our stuff. They appeared to be watching something across our pond. As I approached, I realized it was an enormous alligator. He seemed to be standing straight up because of how the embankment slanted. Quite a vision – like he was tanning in the sun after just finishing a long swim. 

Everyone seemed comfortable with him being only 20-30 feet away. I assumed they were all familiar with him. However, I was not. So I safely kept my distance.

Supposedly, Tick Tock has lived on these grounds for a long time. Every once in a while, he’d come out to show off. The crew calls him a “snowbird” because he seems to come and go seasonally – following the in-season schedule like most part-time members. He likes to show up just when he is least welcome.

I heard stories about Tick Tock’s latest adventures a few weeks ago. According to the grapevine, club members don’t care how long this beast has been hanging around the area. They disapprove of his presence. 

Many golfers even went to the main office to complain. So the grounds crew was told to find him and have him removed. He was cleverly going from our ponds through the drainage pipes to get across to the other side of the golf course without usually being seen. However, the lawn guys told me that because he’s grown so massive, he was probably having trouble maneuvering as he had before. So he decided just to take the path. I was told that was the final straw. 

When customers showed management videos of Tick Tock cruising down the golf cart lane, through the traffic light, and across the road, it was time to call in Florida Fish & Wildlife Conservation. 

“Lifetime membership or not, he’s got to go,” one of the guys said. 

“Yup, That’s a couple of dozen nice pairs of boots right there,” one of my coworkers chimed in like a knucklehead. 

“I’ve worked here at least ten years, and he’s been here the whole time,” one of the ladies from housekeeping added. “It’s because people kept feeding him. That’s where the problem started. Everyone thought it was cute when he was small. Until he grew up, and now he expects his treats.”

As a critter lover, I could only think about him now being destroyed. But I just happened to be there the day the wardens came to bait and trap him. Brian, who was in charge of the mission, swore that Tick Tock would not be killed or hurt. Instead, they would find him and transport him to a nearby area filled with all female alligators, where he would be the only male.  

As gullible as I am, I’m sure my facial expression clearly showed my misbelief in what he had just told me. “Honest,” he said with a smile. “He’s going to be like Hugh Hefner in the alligator society.

Then we both laughed for a minute before Brian added, “That’s if I can get the big guy to come out so I can take him there. Right now, he’s hiding on me.” 

“Too bad I don’t speak, alligator, because I could easily convince him to come quietly if your tale is even half true. Sure, he’d have to give up gourmet scraps, but instead, he’d have a harem of ladies.”

If male gators are anything like men, Tick Tock will volunteer to go when I’m done chatting with him.

Laugh On! Peace Out!

Lisa DeMarco is a columnist for Villages-News.com