Some folks are never satisfied. Last week based on some requests, I let everyone know what Ludlow the yellow rubber ducky was doing. I left Ludlow on top of a huge rogue ocean wave where he would set a surfing record – which I thought was pretty neat. Now they want him off the wave. How the heck am I supposed to know how to get him off? I have never surfed in my life. Besides, it is time to give credit to some heroes of our civilization – in this case, the CPAs of the world. Thus, I felt that now we should mention a particularly brilliant CPA of whom I have previously written – Brick Strong, CPA.
There is a tendency among many folks to classify CPAs as nerds or dweebs. There is nothing further from the truth. For example, Brick Strong is a typical CPA, yet he has another life. Brick is 6’ 5” tall and weighs a solid 265 pounds. In addition, he is the undefeated world heavyweight wrestling champion, where he is known as Brutus Beefcake. Brick does not particularly like that name, but he is able to protect his real identity by following Clark Kent’s dictates. In other words, as long as there is a phone booth to change clothes (they are getting scarce) and a pair of horn rimmed glasses, he has it made. The glasses are plain glass and there is no x-ray vision involved. But many a CEO has blanched when Brick’s eyes have been involved in an audit.
Brick’s audit at the moment involved the Ruten Cruise Line, which is why he was on the PS Gotterdang going through some interesting accounting records. Brick had been at the Ruten Cruise Line’s headquarters in beautiful downtown Stoneboro, Penn. The books there seem to be in great order, but Brick’s CPA nose knew that something was amiss. But he could not quite put his CPA finger on it. He was particularly suspicious since the Ruten Cruise Line’s CEO was none other than Thorgard Slime. He had crossed paths with Slime before when Slime had been CEO of Carbon Dioxide, Inc. There Brick determined that Slime had pilfered millions of dollars from the company.
Brick had thought that Slime was still in jail. However, not only was he out, but he was a CEO again. He was getting frustrated in Stoneboro, when one of Slime’s assistants, Janice Lovely (who had a thing for handsome CPA’s), had carefully sent him a note indicating that there was another set of books on the PS Gotterdang. Brick knew that someone had tipped Slime off, as he had noted that Slime’s assistant CEO, the voluptuous Veronica Goodbody, was on board. Slime figured that perhaps Brick would bend his unbendable ethics if Veronica worked her magic on him. Knowing that this would happen, Brick had his fiancée, Judy Goodgirl, on the ship. Now, it is not what you are thinking! Judy was staying in a cabin with her Aunt Clare. Of course, Brick was sharing his cabin with his Uncle Gary, who had a “thing” for Aunt Clare. As I have indicated, CPAs are no dummies.
As he was reviewing the pages in front of him, he noticed a $100,000 expenditure for damage involving a yellow rubber ducky. Well, that didn’t sound right so he went to the bookkeeper from whom he had secured the books to ask him about this odd expenditure. The bookkeeper said that a little blonde girl had seen one of the ship’s employees throw her rubber ducky into the ocean. Another passenger had been taking videos at the time and he caught the ducky being thrown over the side. The little blonde girl was hysterical – and so was her mother. To quiet things down and not ruin the cruise line’s reputation (such as it was), Mr. Slime had ordered the payment.
Brick accepted that explanation, and then went back to his cabin to finish his audit. He found enough on Slime this time that he doubted that Slime would ever get out of jail. He sent the information on to the company’s board of directors. He was then content and left to meet Judy Goodgirl for dinner. That night as he was going to sleep, he wondered idly what had become of the rubber ducky.
Poor Ludlow!
Villager Barry Evans writes about “Life in The Villages.”
