SETTING: American living rooms, dinner tables, bars, coffee shops, golf courses, etc.
CAST: American voters and Donald J. Trump
BACKGROUND INFORMATION: Donald Trump and Joseph Biden are each likely to be their party’s nominee for president. Each nominee’s past record is a preview of what’s to come in a second term. Note: The interview questions are based on those that occur in a typical background check for jobs like educators, clerks, nurses, government employees, janitors, and animal control officers (formerly known as dog catchers).
An interview with Joseph R Biden will be scheduled at a later date.
INTERVIEW
“Mr. Trump, you’re being interviewed by the public for the position of President of the United States. Our questions will focus on the basics; those included in a typical background check required for millions of jobs. Do you understand?”
Trump: “Of course, I understand! I understand everything better than anyone! I understand stuff like no one else. For instance, I said at a meeting with national security guys that I knew how to prevent hurricanes from hitting the U.S. We could drop a nuclear weapon inside the eye of a hurricane and disrupt it (Axios, Aug 25, 2019)! So, yes, I’m the best understander.”
• Question: “We see you’ve come prepared, as we asked, with recommendations from people you’ve worked with in your last job, like previous members of your cabinet. Would you share these?”
• Trump: “All of them were the worst cabinet members ever! Who chose them anyway? Oh, right. But since you insist, here are a few:”
“He will always put his own interests, and gratifying is own ego, ahead of everything else, including the country’s interest.”—William Barr, Attorney General
“He is more dangerous than anyone could imagine.”—Gen. James Mattis, Secretary of Defense
“The depths of his dishonesty is just astonishing to me…he is the most flawed person. I have ever met in my life.”—Gen. John Kelly, Sec. of Homeland Security a White House Chief of Staff
• Question: “Wow! Those are your best recommendations?”
• Trump: “Nobody has recommendations like me! There’s a bunch more in the special issue of the Jan-Feb 2024 issue of the Atlantic. Check out the ones from Pence and Bolton! I love seeing my name in print! I should have asked Ivanka and Jared, well, maybe just Jared. And Putin! He would give me great recommendations!
•Question: “Your finances are a mixed bag. You have said, “I have a total net worth of $6.73billion (ABC News, Aug 30, 2023). But you’ve filed for business bankruptcy under Chapter 11 four times (American Bankruptcy Institute) and depending on how others count them, six times (Washington Post, Sept 26, 2016). Shouldn’t Americans be concerned about your business record?”
•Trump: “What I’ve done is I’ve used, brilliantly, the laws of the country. I’m the king of debt. If you look at people like myself that are at the highest levels of business, they have done (sic) many times (interview with David Muir, ABC News, June 22, 2016). Nobody does business like me! Didn’t you see the gold high-tops I’m peddling to schmucks to pay my legal bills? No one else would have thought of that!”
•Question: “This isn’t part of a typical background check but we’re curious. How would you negotiate the country’s debt?”
•Trump: “You go back and you say, guess what, the economy crashed; I’m going to give you half.” (CBS This Morning, 22 June 2016).
•comment: “Well, at least you’re consistent. Your records show you don’t pay your personal debts either.”
•Trump: “That just shows how smart I am. There’s no one smarter. Besides, all you need to do is print more money” (CNN, May 10, 2016).”
•Question: “If you get the job, is that how you plan to cope with the $8.4Trillion you added to the national debt?”
Trump: “No comment.”
•Question: “We’re stunned to see that someone applying for this position has been found guilty of sexual assault and defamation. Any comment?”
•Trump: “The judge hates me.”
•Comment: “A jury of your peers determined your guilt, not a judge.”
•Trump: “First of all, no one’s my peer! I’m better than anyone! To your question, guess I got my court cases mixed up. As I said, I have absolutely no idea who this E. Jean person is. The verdict is a disgrace…the greatest witch hunt of all time.” Yada, Yada. Yada. (Press Conference, May 9, 2023).
•Final Question: “As of December, 2023, you have been personally charged with 91 criminal charges in four criminal cases. These involve your attempts to overturn the 2020 election, election interference in Georgia, falsifying business records in NY and mishandling classified records after leaving office (Citizens for Responsibility in Washington). You are the first former president in US history to be criminally indicted. Why should voters choose you given your background?”
•Trump: “Because I AM the first! Who else could do what I do? My peeps love me, I can do anything! I could stand in the middle of 5th Avenue and shoot somebody and I wouldn’t lose voters” (rally at Sioux Center, Iowa. Jan 23, 2016).
“Let’s cut this short. We need to tell you that you failed the basic background check that would be applied to anyone in America seeking employment. You certainly would not be able to obtain any kind of security clearance. You consider yourself to be above the law. On top of that, you seem to believe the American voters are ignorant of your actions or don’t care. We find you unfit to govern. Let’s hope, for the sake of all our futures, the voters recognize you for who you are: a fatally flawed candidate unworthy of our trust.”
Trump: “This is a witch hunt! Everyone’s out to get me! Did I tell you that if I shot someone on Fith Avenue…?”
Comment: “You are dismissed!”
END OF INTERVIEW
Marsha Shearer is a resident of The Villages and the author of “America in Crisis: Essays on the Failed Presidency of Donald J. Trump.”
